Australian Comedy

"There's no toilet paper!"



"You throw up!"



"I've been U-turned"


"Are you talking to me?"

It's a New Beginning

At 03:00 this morning, three hours into the new year, I slammed all ten of my fingers in the lift at work, and I shit you not; it hurt so bad I thought I was gonna faint. I gracefully smashed my hands, stood up, said "now... that was... stupid" and had to get back down on the floor again, ready to throw up from the pain. The pressure on my skin, from the blood being forced out to my fingertips, made it burst and blood was kind of... squirting. Might lose a nail or too, seeing as my fuckyoufinger on the right hand is purple/black. Luckily enough I work in a bar and after putting my hands in a bucket of ice water (and my boss feeding me a couple of vodka shots) I started to feel a little better. But now, 9 hours later, it still hurts. Oh, it hurts.

I do so much with my fingers too! I brush my teeth, I write my blog (am only using left hand now, which I believe makes this is the first post in this blog's history written one handed), I shampoo my hair, I wipe my arse... I squeeze boobs.

Oh, the life I live.

Happy New Year!

If You Misbehave, I'll Eat You! (And Not In a Good Way)

Brian Guest, 51, believed there were risks associated with everything, and that if he did die in the sea at least he was doing what he wanted.

A search by six boats and a helicopter failed to find any trace of Mr Guest, who was snorkelling with [his 24-year-old son] Daniel about 30m offshore yesterday morning when witnesses reported seeing a shark thrashing in the water.

Meanwhile, swimmers at Perth's Cottesloe Beach and nearby South Beach were cleared from the water yesterday after a shark sighting during a helicopter search for Mr Guest.

Fremantle Water Police spokesman Mike Weir said the chopper spotted the shark moving south, about 200m offshore from Cottesloe Beach, at about 10am.

Warwick Stanley
December 29, 2008 05:45am
http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/story/0,21598,24849781-948,00.html

So anywayyyyss... yesterday I went to Cottesloe beach and burned my back a bit. Had trouble sleeping because it was so damn hot last night and I had a bit of solsting. That's all.

Tastes Like Chicken

Being the housewife that I am, I would like to share one of my special receipes with you!

This is what you'll need:
1/2 can of baked beans in tomato sauce
1 pack of instant noodles
2 eggs
1 dl milk

This is how you make the magic happen:
Boil your noodles. Microwave your beans. Fry your eggs and add the milk as you whip them around. Add the boiled noodles to your egg pan. Mix well. Add the mix to your microwaved beans. Add noodle spices that came with package. Mix again.

Now eat!
(Goes very well with pepsi)

And I Hope You Have A Very Merry Christmas!

Elin: Did you enjoy your meal, sir?
Guest: It was very much pleasant, thank you very much! How was your day? I mean, was it all work, or maybe a little bit of pleasure too?
Elin: Oh, it was all pleasure, sir! (mumbeling to herself as she walks away) 50-bucks-an-hour-pleasure.

Until Your Feet Hurt

I'm going dancing tonight!

Hey Schnyggin

Meet Tara:


She's my best friend (in Herrang).